千千中文网

手机浏览器扫描二维码访问

第78章（第1页）

SheperfectlyrememberedeverythingthathadpassedinconversationbetweenWickhamandherself，intheirfirsteveningatMr.Phillipss.Manyofhisexpressionswerestillfreshinhermemory.Shewasnowstruckwiththeimproprietyofsuchcommunicationstoastranger，andwonderedithadescapedherbefore.Shesawtheindelicacyofputtinghimselfforwardashehaddone，andtheinconsistencyofhisprofessionswithhisconduct.SherememberedthathehadboastedofhavingnofearofseeingMr.Darcy—thatMr.Darcymightleavethecountry，butthatheshouldstandhisground;yethehadavoidedtheNetherfieldballtheverynextweek.Sherememberedalsothat，tilltheNetherfieldfamilyhadquittedthecountry，hehadtoldhisstorytonoonebutherself;butthataftertheirremovalithadbeeneverywherediscussed;thathehadthennoreserves，noscruplesinsinkingMr.Darcyscharacter，thoughhehadassuredherthatrespectforthefatherwouldalwayspreventhisexposingtheson.

Howdifferentlydideverythingnowappearinwhichhewasconcerned!HisattentionstoMissKingwerenowtheconsequenceofviewssolelyandhatefullymercenary;andthemediocrityofherfortuneprovednolongerthemoderationofhiswishes，buthiseagernesstograspatanything.Hisbehaviourtoherselfcouldnowhavehadnotolerablemotive;hehadeitherbeendeceivedwithregardtoherfortune，orhadbeengratifyinghisvanitybyencouragingthepreferencewhichshebelievedshehadmostincautiouslyshown.Everylingeringstruggleinhisfavourgrewfainterandfainter;andinfartherjustificationofMr.Darcy，shecouldnotbutallowthatMr.Bingley，whenquestionedbyJane，hadlongagoassertedhisblamelessnessintheaffair;thatproudandrepulsiveaswerehismanners，shehadnever，inthewholecourseoftheiracquaintance—anacquaintancewhichhadlatterlybroughtthemmuchtogether，andgivenherasortofintimacywithhisways—seenanythingthatbetrayedhimtobeunprincipledorunjust—anythingthatspokehimofirreligiousorimmoralhabits;thatamonghisownconnectionshewasesteemedandvalued—thatevenWickhamhadallowedhimmeritasabrother，andthatshehadoftenheardhimspeaksoaffectionatelyofhissisterastoprovehimcapableofsomeamiablefeeling;thathadhisactionsbeenwhatMr.Wickhamrepresentedthem，sogrossaviolationofeverythingrightcouldhardlyhavebeenconcealedfromtheworld;andthatfriendshipbetweenapersoncapableofit，andsuchanamiablemanasMr.Bingley，wasincomprehensible.

Shegrewabsolutelyashamedofherself.OfneitherDarcynorWickhamcouldshethinkwithoutfeelingshehadbeenblind，partial，prejudiced，absurd.

“HowdespicablyIhaveacted!”

shecried;“I，whohavepridedmyselfonmydiscernment!I，whohavevaluedmyselfonmyabilities!whohaveoftendisdainedthegenerouscandourofmysister，andgratifiedmyvanityinuselessorblameablemistrust!Howhumiliatingisthisdiscovery!Yet，howjustahumiliation!HadIbeeninlove，Icouldnothavebeenmorewretchedlyblind!Butvanity，notlove，hasbeenmyfolly.Pleasedwiththepreferenceofone，andoffendedbytheneglectoftheother，ontheverybeginningofouracquaintance，Ihavecourtedprepossessionandignorance，anddrivenreasonaway，whereeitherwereconcerned.TillthismomentIneverknewmyself.”

FromherselftoJane—fromJanetoBingley，herthoughtswereinalinewhichsoonbroughttoherrecollectionthatMr.Darcysexplanationtherehadappearedveryinsufficient，andshereaditagain.Widelydifferentwastheeffectofasecondperusal.Howcouldshedenythatcredittohisassertionsinoneinstance，whichshehadbeenobligedtogiveintheother?Hedeclaredhimselftobetotallyunsuspiciousofhersistersattachment;andshecouldnothelprememberingwhatCharlottesopinionhadalwaysbeen.NeithercouldshedenythejusticeofhisdeionofJane.ShefeltthatJanesfeelings，thoughfervent，werelittledisplayed，andthattherewasaconstantcomplacencyinherairandmannernotoftenunitedwithgreatsensibility.

Whenshecametothatpartoftheletterinwhichherfamilywerementionedintermsofsuchmortifying，yetmeritedreproach，hersenseofshamewassevere.Thejusticeofthechargestruckhertooforciblyfordenial，andthecircumstancestowhichheparticularlyalludedashavingpassedattheNetherfieldball，andasconfirmingallhisfirstdisapprobation，couldnothavemadeastrongerimpressiononhismindthanonhers.

Thecomplimenttoherselfandhersisterwasnotunfelt.Itsoothed，butitcouldnotconsoleherforthecontemptwhichhadthusbeenself-attractedbytherestofherfamily;andassheconsideredthatJanesdisappointmenthadinfactbeentheworkofhernearestrelations，andreflectedhowmateriallythecreditofbothmustbehurtbysuchimproprietyofconduct，shefeltdepressedbeyondanythingshehadeverknownbefore.

Afterwanderingalongthelanefortwohours，givingwaytoeveryvarietyofthought—re-consideringevents，determiningprobabilities，andreconcilingherself，aswellasshecould，toachangesosuddenandsoimportant，fatigue，andarecollectionofherlongabsence，madeheratlengthreturnhome;andsheenteredthehousewiththewishofappearingcheerfulasusual，andtheresolutionofrepressingsuchreflectionsasmustmakeherunfitforconversation.

ShewasimmediatelytoldthatthetwogentlemenfromRosingshadeachcalledduringherabsence;Mr.Darcy，onlyforafewminutes，totakeleave—butthatColonelFitzwilliamhadbeensittingwiththematleastanhour，hopingforherreturn，andalmostresolvingtowalkafterhertillshecouldbefound.Elizabethcouldbutjustaffectconcerninmissinghim;shereallyrejoicedatit.ColonelFitzwilliamwasnolongeranobject;shecouldthinkonlyofherletter.